falling into default mode.

let’s take the easy road. say the first things we think of. act on our immediate instincts. instant gratification is the way to go. generic statements are all we spew.

“oh cool.”

“that’s something.”

“i’m good.”

let me ask you this: “what is original thought?”

*silence*

“sorry, what? i wasn’t listening.”

let’s not really actually take the time to focus on the words others try to say. only your own thoughts matter. other people are projections of a reality where only you reside. but to say that would be rude, so just put on a pretense. nod your head, say your “hms”, repeat back what they said to you in a question form. do those things, but feel free to let your eyes drift to your phone or to the environment around while they drone on in the background -oh wait, they said something that involves you! tune in for a second… aaand alright it’s fine to get distracted now, they’re back to themselves. feel free to go back to yourself.

perpetual routine. and put that on repeat. you know the steps so well since you do them everyday. you hate, simply tracing the same lines. it’s so familiar you could do it in your sleep, and still you trace away. it’s all you know. it’s you, it’s your very identity. to stop would be to stop being.

let’s stay stagnant, let’s stop growing or learning. we can only do what we’re told, what we’re assigned, and the less we must do, the better.

the whole thing is awful, I feel sick to my very core, as if my bones were dipped in fatigue and all motivation and passion were seeped out of my body is a slow, but steady process. I hate it, I hate it all so much… but give it to me again tomorrow. I take it daily, I’ve done it countless times and I will continue to do so infinitely. I can abhor it with my entire being, detest it all so much I want to puke blood- anything to make the mundane humdrum come to an end. but then so would I. the very thing has become myself. so I must continue, because I must be.